On to The Next: Questions to Ask Before Dropping a Friend
By: Erayna Sargent
Friendships are often in your life longer than intimate relationships and are just as hard, if not harder, to walk away from. Whenever you spend time investing in a connection with someone else it is worth the energy to make sure that you are truly ready to end the relationship.
If you’re internally battling if you are going to return that text or click unfriend, answer these 5 questions before you decide on what to do next.
What really happened?
Whenever you feel like walking away from something that you put time into, you should evaluate what is driving you away. Try to understand the different angles and consider the other perspectives on the situation. There are 3 sides to every story: Yours, theirs. and the truth. If you are truly considering walking away from a friendship, it deserves the time for you to evaluate the role that you may have played in the current situation.
Did they not show you who they were, or did you not believe them?
Sometimes we hope that people grow into the person that we think they should be, but they never quite make it. That is okay. But what is not okay is for you to hang around continually wishing and allowing yourself to be disappointed because they are not meeting your expectations.
Is this a matter of misaligned expectations?
Speaking of expectations…It’s very easy to not meet expectations when you are unaware of them. Are weekly phone calls super important to you? Well then, you should probably make sure to tell the friend that “disappears” for weeks at a time. People can’t read your mind, so while no one perfect, they really don’t stand a chance when they don’t know what you value in a friendship.
Do they help or hurt the person that you are trying to become?
Take a second and think about the vision that you have for your life. Could you see this person helping you get there or a roadblock on the path? We all change as we grow up and just like your favorite shirt, there may be a time that you outgrow them.
Are you willing to put in the work to fix what is broken?
This is the most direct question and the one to be most honest about. The decision that you have at hand cannot be made with a faint heart. What you are ultimately deciding is how you want to spend your time. The reason that you are considering walking away will determine the amount of time, energy and effort that it will take heal. If you are leaning towards the “fix it” path, make sure that you are truly ready to commit to the time that it will take. People aren’t perfect and remember that sometimes a relationship can get even stronger after dealing with a challenge.
I firmly believe that people come into your life for a reason, season OR lifetime; Each one with a different set of lessons. There will be times where it is worth the extra effort to fix what is broken. And sometimes the best solution is a break.
At the end of the day, who you invest in is up to you but make you sure that you think through the five questions above. And even if you decide to walk away, remember to respect the friendship that you once had.
About The Author
Erayna is a marketing professional, small business consultant, wellness warrior and overall ‘Goal Digger’. She is working to normalize all forms of wellness and tries to remind people that everyone deserves to be ‘Just a Little Selfish’. Connect with Erayna at @justalittleselfish and www.eraynasargent.com